Akatsuki Truth or Dare
by AndThenBurnTheAshes
Summary: Its bonding time for the Akatsuki (which was completely Konan's idea), and Deidara foolishly chose truth or dare. Silly Deidara! Rated M for Hidan and yaoi.
1. Kiss The Fucking Puppet!

A.N: I'm keeping Sasori alive in this so I can have both him and Tobi play the game. You know. Just for fun.

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"Deidara, get back here!"

"Noooo! You can't make me, un!"

"Brat, if you do not get over here, kissing me will be the least of your worries."

"But I don't wanna kiss a man! I don't wanna play anymore!"

"Bitch, you chose this fucking game! Now man up and kiss the fucking puppet!"

Pein sighed. Out of all the days to finish paperwork, it had to be the day Konan dubbed "Bonding Day". This day happened only once every few months, but it was never on the same day every time, so you never knew when you would be forced to, say, make out with your partner. Speaking of which...

"All right! Let's see some action now!"

"Shut up, Kisame! I'm going after you next, un!"

"Will you boys hurry this up? Yeah, it's yaoi, but we can't sit here waiting for you guys forever!"

Pein frowned. What about yaoi...?

"...Are you recording this, Konan?"

Konan turned to Pein sheepishly.

"...Maybe."

He rolled his eyes and turned back to the two boys in question. The game had just started not five minutes ago, and already Deidara was acting like a child. Well, he was only 19, but he was an S-Ranked criminal, for Kami's sake!

"Kiss the Jashin-damned puppet, bitch!" Hidan yelled. He just wanted to get the fucking game over with so he could go back to his rituals. He had been disturbed right in the middle of a sacrifice, and the only thing that kept him from killing the blue-haired bitch was that Pein probably would have killed him for that.

"Shut UP Hidan!" Deidara screamed. Why, out of all the Akatsuki members, did Itachi get to go first?! He swore the weasel smirked at him when he asked Deidara truth or dare, and when he chose dare the Uchiha looked like he was holding back a snort of laughter.

Rolling his eyes, Sasori grabbed Deidara by the arm and pulled him to sit beside him.

"Hey! Danna, what are you..." he trailed off when he realized how close their faces had gotten. The room suddenly grew quiet. This was it, Konan thought as she tried to suppress fangirl squeals of delight.

"Why are we doing this, un?" Deidara whispered, breathlessly. His mouth grew dry and his heart started racing. If he leaned forward just a bit...

"Because you picked it, brat." Sasori smirked. "Now shut up" he leaned forward "and kiss me." he pressed their lips together.

Deidara stifled a gasp when he felt his Danna's dry lips against his own, but couldn't stop a moan from bubbling up when Sasori slipped his tongue into his mouth. It felt weird and wrong, but yet...so good at the same time. Sasori groaned and pulled Deidara to where he was sitting in his lap, making sure his mouth never left the brat's. He slid his hands underneath Deidara's shirt and began rubbing his back, which made the younger boy moan. Sasori took that as a sign to continue and slipped his hands around to Deidara's chest, sliding them up to tweak his nipples, causing Deidara to gasp and pull back. His face was brilliant red, and his breath was ragged.

"W-what was that for?" he stuttered, not able to look Sasori in the face.

Sasori was about to reply when he heard a cough. Shit. They had forgotten about everyone else. He turned to look at the other members, still with his arms wrapped around Deidara's waist. Their expressions ranged from disgust and horror to gleeful, in Konan's case. She appeared to be stemming a nosebleed, and she was holding a...

"...Konan. Were you recording that?" Sasori asked. Deidara let out a shriek of embarrassment and buried his face in Sasori's shirt. Konan had the decency to look guilty.

"Well, yeah, but...I've been waiting for _someone_ to do something yaoi-like in this organization, and I finally got it! Please don't make me delete it!" Sasori sighed.

"Fine. You can keep your yaoi. Just do not do something like that ever again, got it?" Konan nodded fervently.

"Good. Now then." he said, and he lifted Deidara up off of his lap, which caused the younger boy to let out a small gasp. He set Deidara down on the floor and turned his body so that Deidara's back was leaning up against Sasori's chest. Wrapping his arms around Deidara's waist, he set his chin on Deidara's shoulder and grinned at the other members. "Shall we continue with the game?"

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A.N: ...That. Was horrible. Seriously. I don't even know why I posted it. Writing Sasori is just...so...frickin'...hard! ARGH! *tableflips* Well, please review and tell me if I should post the next chapter or just take the story off now. I'm working on the sequel to "What I Do For Love", so that should be out soon.

Hopefully.

ATBTA has left the site.


	2. I Have To Wear What Now?

Pein shook his head in amazement. For someone who was literally a puppet, Sasori sure could take control and be dominant when it came to romantic situations.

"Deidara, I believe it's your turn now." Itachi said speaking for the first time since he dared Deidara.

"Oh yeah..." Deidara said and blushed, still feeling a bit awkward with Sasori's arms wrapped around him.

"Um...I don't know who to choose, un." Deidara blushed and buried his face back into Sasori's shirt.

"Oh! Oh! Sempai, let Tobi pick, let Tobi pick!"

Deidara turned to the orange-masked annoyance, glad to have someone to take his anger and embarrassment out on.

"Shut up, Tobi! Why would I let you do that, un?!"

"Because Sempai is too embarrassed with Sasori-sama and he doesn't know what to do now!" Tobi said, oblivious to the glares he was receiving from both Deidara and Sasori.

"Tobi, if you are not quiet within two seconds, I will keep my promise of turning you into a puppet." Sasori murmured, causing Tobi to 'eep' and hide behind Kisame. The puppet turned to Deidara. "Why don't you let me choose for you, " Deidara eagerly nodded before Sasori had finished his sentence. "babe?" the scorpion finished, smirking in satisfaction. Deidara looked embarrassed, then indignant.

"Hey! If you're calling me 'babe', then doesn't that mean that I'm the..." he couldn't finish the thought.

"Blondie's the puppet-fucker's bitch!" Hidan shouted, laughing when Deidara blushed and buried his face in Sasori's shirt yet again. Suddenly, papers flew across the room and wound themselves around Hidan, muffling his curses.

"Continue, Sasori." Pein said, wanting to get back to his office as soon as possible. The puppet grinned.

"Sure." he turned to the muffled Hidan. "Hidan, truth or dare?" Konan loosened her papers just enough so that Hidan could answer.

"Dare all the fucking way, bitches! I'm not a pussy like the rest of this organiza-" and was cut off by Konan's papers yet again. Sasori's smile got even wider, if that was even possible.

"Good. Wear this dress. If that is okay with you, Konan." she nodded eagerly, and, still grinning, Sasori walked over to Konan's closet (they were doing this in her room, of course) and pulled out a random dress. It was full-length, going down all the way to the floor, and it was mostly black with white vine-like designs wrapping around the waist and chest. Hidan's eyes widened and he struggled even harder to get out of the papers. A muffled scream could be heard coming from him.

Konan released him, and Hidan was off like a shot.

"Kisame! Kakuzu! Don't let him get away!" Konan yelled. Both of the men complied, and two minutes later brought back a headless Hidan. Pein stared at them both.

"The little asshole tripped Kisame and then proceeded to stab him in the back with his scythe. Luckily, Kisame still had Samehada on his back. I cut off his head while he was distracted." Kakuzu threw Hidan's body on the ground. "You better get him in the dress before his head starts yelling"

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5 Minutes Later

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"AAAGH! Why the FUCK would you do this to my body?! I'm going to fucking kill all of you fucking assholes! FUUUUCK!" Kakuzu calmly sewed the last stitch into Hidan's neck.

"Jashin will command me to kill every last one of you fucking bastards, just you wait!" Hidan leaped up and strode towards Sasori, who was still hugging Deidara.

"And you..." Hidan growled, reaching behind his back to grab his scythe. He stopped, however, when he saw that the puppet and the blond in his arms were trying not to laugh.

"Oh, you think this is fucking hilarious, don't you?! Well it's my turn now!

Puppet-fucker, truth or dare!?"

Sasori stared calmly back at him, readjusting Deidara so that the blond was laying down with his head in the scorpion's lap.

"I suppose I shall choose dare. Although you are really not supposed to dare the person who dared you. And, as an answer to what you said before, about Deidara being my...well, I will not repeat that word, but in this relationship, yes, I would be topping." Sasori smirked at the look of indignation on Deidara's face.

"Hey! Why couldn't I top, un?!" Deidara glared at the scorpion.

"Brat, do you even know what to do?" the blond looked away in embarrassment.

"Not really..." he mumbled.

"Well, that settles it." Sasori said, and looked back up at the suddenly smirking Hidan. "I believe you have a dare for me, Hidan?"

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A.N: well, the next chapter should be...interesting. But it may take a while to get put up. My family is taking a Labor Day vacation up to Iowa so we can visit my grandparents, so I'm not really going to have much wifi the entire trip. But the next chapter will be up within a week. And if I don't update within that time, you may shank me. Seriously.


	3. Absolutely Lahvehly, Isn't It?

A.N: This chapter was typed at two a.m, which is the only time the wifi at my grandparents' house actually works, so I apologize for any typos. The next chapter may take a while to get out, so I apologize in advance.

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"Deidara!" the blond jumped as Hidan suddenly barked his name.

"What, un?" the albino man leered down at him.

"How many mouths do you have on your body?"

"Um, four...?" Deidara's eyes widened as he processed the question and it's implications. Hidan really wasn't going to-

"I dare the puppet-fucker to make out with all four mouths on blondie's body here!"

Deidara nearly passed out, Sasori looked like he was going to kill something, Pein was disgusted, Kisame LOL'ed, Konan got a nosebleed, Kakuzu facepalmed, Itachi raised an eyebrow, and in a galaxy far far away an old man felt a great disturbance in the force. But we're getting off topic here.

"Wait...if blondie here has a mouth on his face, and two on his hands...where's the fourth one?" Deidara groaned. He had been hoping that no one would ask about the supposed "fourth mouth" he had, seeing as how it was only a last resort: to become true art itself.

"Uh, well, you see, it's...on my chest. The mouth is on my chest." the rest of the Akatsuki turned to look at the bomber, looks ranging from glee to disgust flitting across their faces. Sasori himself felt a bit disgusted at this, then realized that Deidara was looking up at him from where he lay on his lap, hurt painted across his pretty features.

"Deidara-" he began, but was cut off when the bomber spoke.

"It's okay, Danna. I knew you didn't want to do something like that. He'll pass this time, Hidan" the immortal growled low in his throat.

"No, he will fucking /not/ pass this time! It's my fucking turn to dare him, and he will fucking do as I fucking dared!" Deidara rolled his eyes, then pushed himself off of Sasori's lap, standing up and stretching, his back cracking loudly.

"I'm going to get something to drink, un. Anybody else want something?"

Kisame chuckled.

"If you could, would you grab some of the wine in the cabinet? If we're going to keep going in the game, I would rather be drunk and blame it on that when I make a complete fool of myself than be sober and completely aware of all the shit I do." Deidara nodded and stepped out into the hallway, closing the door and then opening it again.

"Oh yeah, and, Hidan?" the immortal man glared at him.

"What do you fucking want?" Deidara's mouth stretched into an obscene grin.

"Next time you wear a dress, don't wear black and white. Pink is more your color, un." and slammed the door behind him again. The room was silent for all of two seconds, then Hidan gave a howl of rage and charged at the door, intent on killing the blond. Unfortunately, he forgot he was wearing the dress (honestly, how could you?) and tripped over the edge of it, causing him to fly forward and slam into the door.

"...I don't even know how that happened. But I do know that that was funny as hell!" Kisame and Kakuzu began laughing at the Jashinist's poor fortune, the man himself slowly picking himself up and spitting blood onto the floor.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, assholes. But don't blame me if you wake up in the middle of the fucking night with me standing over you!"

"Why would you be in their rooms? Watching them sleep?" Sasori's voice rang out, the questions sending the shark and the miser further into hysterics.

Hidan spluttered for a second. "W-what?! No I-"

"Will you all just shut up so we can get this over with?" Itachi spoke up, causing everybody to jump at the weasel's voice. [1]

"No, I will not fucking shut up and you can go fuck off and fuck your mother or father or brother or whoever it was you were too much of a fucking pussy to ki-AUGH!" Itachi faintly smirked before closing his eyes again. Using Tsukuyomi really took it out of him.

Pein blinked.

"Um...well, shall we continue then?" Konan immediately jumped up and grabbed her iPod [2], rapidly shuffling through all of the songs on it before selecting one.

"I'm going to take Hidan's turn now. Is that okay with everyone?" mumbles of assent came from the rest of the Akatsuki, and Konan grinned.

"Shweet! Itachi! Sing this!" the Uchiha looked startled for a moment before dropping his face back into his normal emotionless mask.

"Sure. What is it?" Konan handed the iPod to him. The weasel blinked, then a look of horror slowly grew across his face.

"Oh...god no!" Kisame looked over Itachi's shoulder at the iPod with interest.

"What is it?" and immediately began howling with laughter at the choice of song. Pein groaned.

"Konan, please don't tell me you chose.../that/ song." the only answer he got was an evil giggle. Kakuzu looked at the iPod with a confused look on his face.

"Who's...Blood On The Dance Floor?"

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[1] The dude talks so little, it's like he doesn't have a voice at all.

[2] In my world, the Akatsuki have iPods. And they don't die. Except for Obito. He got shot looooong ago.

A.n: Well...that could have turned out better. But I finished it! And, it would really help me if people sent in a few truths or dares. Ya know, to keep this going? Anyway, the next five people to review will get a ramen pie!

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